In today’s society, one of the most pressing questions children and grandchildren ask their parents and grandparents is, “How do I know that he or she is the one?” This inquiry delves into the complexities of love and relationships, sparking a quest for answers that transcends generations. Surprisingly, a profound guide exists within the sacred text of the Bible, specifically in the story of Abraham, Eliezer, and Rebecca as recorded in Genesis 24. This biblical account not only provides insight into finding a life partner but also establishes core values that can lead to a successful and fulfilling marriage.
In the narrative, Abraham, the patriarch of the Israelites, sends his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Haran with one specific mission: to find a suitable wife for his son, Isaac. The significance of Haran as the location is underscored; it was known for being a culture open to God. This element puts forth the first essential characteristic for a partner: seek someone from a good place, one that fosters a spiritual connection. This aspect is paramount, as it sets the foundation of shared beliefs and values, which can strengthen a relationship over time.
Upon reaching Haran, Eliezer encounters Rebecca, described as “very fair to look upon.” This highlights the second trait to consider: physical attraction is important, but it should not be the sole determining factor when choosing a life partner. After observing Rebecca’s actions of generosity—drawing water not only for him but also for all his camels—Eliezer recognizes a third vital characteristic. This moment illustrates the importance of being generous and kind-hearted, as such attributes can enrich a relationship and foster a nurturing environment.
What follows this recognition is a crucial decision-making moment for Eliezer, who uses these three traits to conclude that Rebecca is indeed the right choice for Isaac. Interestingly, Rebecca learns only two facts about Isaac: his wealth, indicating his ability to provide, and his love for God, which speaks to his moral values. Despite knowing little about Isaac, she agrees to marry him, showcasing a readiness to build a life founded on faith and commitment.
The biblical narrative succinctly summarizes the subsequent union: “Isaac married her. She became his wife. And he loved her.” This sequence resonates with the core essence of a successful marriage. It delineates a straightforward yet profound progression that begins with identifying essential traits, proceeding to marriage, and evolving into dedicated acts of commitment. It suggests that love is something that grows as partners continuously give to each other, reinforcing the idea encapsulated in the Hebrew language—where the root of ‘ahava,’ meaning love, is ‘hav,’ or ‘to give.’
Contrasting this biblical viewpoint, contemporary culture often presents a different narrative, promoting notions of ‘falling in love’ and the pragmatism of testing compatibility through cohabitation before marriage. A 2016 Barna study revealed that many couples live together pre-marriage to assess their compatibility. However, startlingly, the leading cause of divorce is labeled as “basic incompatibility.” This contradiction highlights the importance of cultivating love through mutual giving rather than merely testing the waters of compatibility.
Indeed, practical advice on fostering strong relationships can be drawn from this biblical story. The emphasis should lie in discarding overwhelming checklists of attributes. It is not about whether one partner prefers warm-weather vacations over cold ones or whether their friends are humorous. What truly matters is whether the couple shares foundational values rooted in faith and generosity. These fundamental traits can inspire devotion and a sense of profound love in the marriage.
Mark Gerson, an entrepreneur and philanthropist, suggests that this biblical perspective reveals a framework applicable to modern relationships. In his upcoming book, “God Was Right: How Modern Social Science Proves the Torah Is True,” he delves into how these ancient texts have relevance today, contributing valuable insights about relationships and the fabric of marital happiness. Through examining biblical narratives, contemporary individuals can find guidance that speaks to both their hearts and practical lives, heralding love as a cultivated relationship rather than a fleeting sentiment.
